Not Quite Gratitude

When considering themes for these last-Friday-of-the-month email newsletters, it would be natural to assign “gratitude” to the November issue, to be delivered right in time for Thanksgiving. 

By: Lauren Cook, Founder

Given the state of the world, however, and all the stress and consternation around global conflicts, weather events, and November 5th, we thought now may be the perfect time to elevate Gratitude. (Yes, every time I see this word, it is in teal cursive on a shabby-chic faux wood sign.) Perhaps we should bring gratitude forward early, in late October, to counteract all the heaviness and fear? 

But the thing is, some of us are not quite there. And we may not be anytime soon. 

Some days, we feel it. We can get to full-blown Gratitude, and act from our thankfulness for a specific person, thing, or experience. 

But other days, we’re too worried, stressed, angry, or tired for all that pressure. So for those in this space, perhaps we can spend late October (and November and December . . .) hovering around appreciation? 

Although we can’t find any hard-and-fast definitional differences between appreciation and gratitude, here is how we see it: 
Gratitude is external, relational, and typically results in action  (“thank you for . . . “).

Appreciation is internal. It’s how we feel–body, mind, or heart–when we acknowledge the good.

It’s pulling ourselves out of the chaos, clutter, news, and noise to connect with that which is serving us well. A blue sky. A great old song on the radio. The barista’s smile. Our dog’s tangled fur. 

And the key to arriving at appreciation is awareness. It’s arriving to the present moment, to what is in front of us, and to ourselves. 

As I described in one of our earliest COS blog posts, poet Mary Oliver’s approach to living is Connecting Our Stories’ guide for working: 

“Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.” 

We see this motto as a simple and splendid instruction for connecting, communicating, and storytelling. See what is before you, experience it fully, and tell the story. 

She speaks of astonishment, not appreciation, but I wonder how closely related they may be? Perhaps they are cousins; one, more innocent, wonder-filled with wide eyes and mouth agape, excited for what’s laid bare; the other, already processing the experience and sensing its effects, with a calm smile and unfurrowed brow. 

The one thing astonishment, awareness, and appreciation all have in common is the present moment.

Notice Mary Oliver leads off her instruction with paying attention. She says in another one of her essays, “Attention is the first step to devotion.” Noticing where we are, how we feel, and how we connect with what is around us is Step One for appreciation. 

At Connecting Our Stories, appreciation is foundational to who we are and how we work. We believe it is centering; it is grounding; and it pulls us out of our overthinking minds back to our bodies and our lives, where we can do good work and be good people.

An appreciation of the things, people, and ideas we are connected to gives us the fuel to keep going, trying, and creating. 

Almost every night, when my daughter can’t fall asleep, I remind her to do one of her “techniques.” We have many, but one is to list in her head all the things she’s thankful for. It’s less because the list is particularly original or insightful; it’s more because it’s calming. It pulls us out of the chaos of our anxious minds to the things we have, love, and find comfort in. It reminds us those things even exist. 

So maybe we should take the pressure off. Maybe we should not even try for full-blown Gratitude and all it entails. Maybe we don’t even feel it given how difficult our lives are and how much our sweet old world is struggling. 

But perhaps we can attempt appreciation. A pause here, when we hear the birds chirp in our front yard. A full breath there, when the morning air is crisp. Dare we even try five or 10 full seconds with our faces to the sun on a particularly nice fall afternoon? Can we involve our senses? Can we feel it? 

Let’s try, for the sake of being alive.

And since it’s not November 5th–yet.